"Cremation will take place at the family's convenience, and his ashes will be kept around as long as they match the décor."

A Louisiana man decided to write his own obituary. We've read a lot of these, but so far, this one takes the cake.

"James "Jim" Groth made his last wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic comment on July 28th.

Jim was born and immediately dubbed "our favorite child" to John and Joan Groth in March of 1963. Their constant love, support, caring far exceeded anything Jim deserved.

He is survived by his wife of 25 years the recently wealthy and overly devoted Julie and his proudest accomplishments sons Brandon John, Blake Isa, and Brett James. Additionally he is survived by his much older sister Lisa Dickman of whythehelldoyoulivethere Rhode Island and younger Brother John Groth of West Palm Beach Fla.

Jim's demise will now allow them to emerge from his shadow. A variety of nieces and nephews with mediocre upbringing would complete the list of those left to embellish his memory. 
Jim's employment history was standard, College recruiter, Oyster Shucker, YMCA executive director, and for the past 16 years Industrial Construction Project Management. He had two basic philosophies regarding work "careers are for the unimaginative "and, "surround yourself with great people and stay the hell out of their way."

His 30 plus years as a volunteer soccer coach from the kindergarten to High school level afforded hundreds of Children and parents exposure to Jim's unique personality. Half a dozen or so of these folks might speak of him fondly if pressed.

Jim died knowing that Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the best movie ever. Bruce Springsteen best recording artist, Clint Eastwood the baddest man on the planet, and that chicks dig El Caminos."

For more of his obituary, visit the Hixson Funeral Home's site.