An Open Letter to Justin Bieber About His New Kittens

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K I’m done

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Sep 16, 2019 at 8:09pm PDT

They're cute to post on Instagram, and they're also a TON of work. You'd better be up for it.

Dear Justin Bieber and wife: First of all, congratulations on your new fur babies! They're absolutely adorable, as all kittens are. Obviously, I'm taking a shot in the dark here...but do I spot not one, but TWO Savannah kittens? *Side note: Savannah cats are hybrid cats; they're part Serval and part domestic.*

Savannahs are beautiful animals. I can attest to this because I, too, have one. His name is Rigby. He's 5-years-old and he's an F5. (Savannahs are ranked from F1 and up, based on how many generations removed they are from the serval)

And I'll tell you this right meow, Biebs - he is a HANDFUL-AND-A-HALF. One time, he pushed the screen out of our upstairs window and meandered onto the roof.

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Here's to neighbors! Seriously. AJ is somewhere high atop a mountain in Alberta, while I sit on Mackinaw Island. It's obviously the best time to have your cat bust out of your window and roar his mighty roar from your roof. Thanks to all the neighbors for altering us to this escape & answering the call to arms to capture him. And a big hug to Anna & Rudy for getting him back in the house! Side Note: Rigby may be up for adoption on Monday's AJ's Animals #cat #cats #catsofinstagram #savannah #savannahcat #neighbors

A post shared by Pat and AJ (@patandajinthemorning) on Jun 7, 2017 at 4:22pm PDT

I see that you have not one, but TWO kittens. Here's a video of our Savannah going at it with our cat from the Humane Society, so I can only imagine what TWO Savannahs would be like.

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Happy one week anniversary, #chardeemacdennis! #humanesocietycats #humanesocietyofgeneseecounty #savannahcat #catsofinstagram #adoptdontshop #adoptakitten

A post shared by Pat and AJ (@patandajinthemorning) on Feb 16, 2016 at 4:35pm PST

There's also a good chance that you'll need to tape your crock pot shut and keep chicken locked up, because these cats LOVE MEAT.

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This must be why AJ taped the lid of the crock pot shut! #savannahcat #kitten #crockpot #slowcooker #catproblems

A post shared by Pat and AJ (@patandajinthemorning) on Feb 25, 2015 at 1:36pm PST

And I can promise you, they WILL keep you up ALL NIGHT. Like newborn babies. Except they don't want to eat, they want to PLAY.

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This little guy...up ALL NIGHT playing. I'm gonna write a book for kittens called "Go the F*** To Sleep Right Meow."

A post shared by Pat and AJ (@patandajinthemorning) on Jan 5, 2015 at 1:58am PST

I have no doubt that you've got help because, well, you're rich and famous. You're married now, too, so I hope that your wife has that gentle motherly touch with the cats.

They're adorable, beautiful animals, but they are a LOT of work. More than your average domestic cat. It took me four years to train our Savannah cat. He would steal chicken off our plates, run out every open door, swat at my son, etc. He's five now and very well behaved, but he still has his moments. And you have not one, but TWO.

We've all heard the story about your pet monkey who is now living (and adjusting badly) at a zoo in Germany. You obviously have a penchant for exotic animals; I can only hope that you have more dedication to these cats than you did to O.G. Mally, because we haven't forgotten about him. His name...is O.G. Mally.

Say his name, Biebs. SAY IT!

Sincerely,
AJ
(fellow Savannah owner)