Don’t Ever, EVER Ask A Woman This Question. Ever. Please.
There's really no reason to, and asking it could potentially be hurtful. So, just don't.
Yesterday, I was talking to somebody about my wacky schedule. She asked me if I was hungry and I said, "No, I had a big lunch. I get up pretty early in the morning." She asked if I had any "little ones" at home, and I said, "Yes, he's almost 10." She said, "Oh! Is he excited about having a sibling?"
I'm not pregnant.
At that moment, I wanted wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
She said, "Oh, you were talking about mornings and I thought you meant morning sickness." This could've been a simple misunderstanding, but of course, I thought, "Yep. She thinks I look pregnant."
"When are you due? How far along are you?"
It's happened to me before a couple of times. I've never had a flat stomach; all of the women in my family have "tummies" that get worse after they have children. I run half-marathons and I eat fairly healthily; if I was going to have a flat stomach, I think it would've happened by now. It's never been that way, and it never will be.
Growing up, I could never understand why I didn't look like the women on TV, in movies and magazines.
Mom, why don't I have a flat tummy like her? Mom, why don't I have cleavage like her?
I wear a B cup and I have a flabby tummy. It's not ideal, according to the beauty standards we're brought up with. I've struggled with it my whole life, and I also struggle with bulimia. I'm 34-years-old, and I still deal with an eating disorder that started when I was 15. I'm not proud of it, but I'm working on it.
Women are held to unrealistic and unfair body standards. The pressure is indescribable. And while body acceptance is getting better, it's definitely not where it should be. Some people can't accept that we are not ALL built to look the same, and they veil it in concern for that person's health.
So, when somebody asks if I'm pregnant, it's devastating. And it's never okay. EVER. Unless the woman is in front of you with legs akimbo, and you see the baby's head crowning, it's not okay. So just don't do it. For any reason.
Thank you to my friend Emily, who is one of the most gorgeous people I know, inside and out, for allowing me to share this. Her post stood out to me because, normally, she's the funniest person on my Facebook feed. So to read something so personal from her was jarring, but eye-opening. We used to teach dance together in La Crosse, Wisconsin. And her words are much better than mine: