This Thanksgiving, let's all give thanks to online crafts, clothes and curios store Etsy.com. For without them, we'd be deprived of the following 10 items of pure holiday kitsch.
These pumpkin pie-shaped hand soaps are certainly pretty and definitely tempting to look at. In other words, it's a 50/50 shot that someone's spending Thanksgiving in the ER with a child who's just ingested a good helping of glycerin and shea butter.
Pilgrim Ken Thanksgiving Cards
Guess who's spending Turkey Day at the Barbie Dream House? Pilgrim Ken, that's who! He'll cruise over in his convertible, make a few inappropriate comments about Barbie's “breast meat,” then sprawl across her couch to watch football with one hand shoved down his anatomically irrelevant crotch. (Kitchen-slave Barbie sold separately.)
Chalkware pumpkinhead figurine
Behold, the Liza Minnelli of Thanksgiving-themed pumpkin figurines.
Um, how to put this delicately… the big, brown bird design makes it look like the poor baby made to wear these 'Little House on the Prairie' bottoms already had a little accident.
Turkey Head for Pineapple
For the Don Ho Thanksgiving Luau party planner in all of us, there's this stuffed turkey head that you can pin to the bottom of a pineapple. And then spend the rest of the night explaining to your guests that no, it's not a peacock, and no, you're not a recently escaped mental patient.
Black Pumpkin Thanksgiving Centerpiece
Studio 54 Thanksgiving centerpiece? African headdress Thanksgiving centerpiece? Vegas showgirl Thanksgiving centerpiece? Bowling ball for jazz-hands enthusiasts? Answer: All of the above.
Thanksgiving Finger Puppets
“Gather 'round, little ones! It's time for your favorite Thanksgiving tale: 'The Case of the Faceless Pilgrims.' Wait, stop crying! They're just fingers with felt hats. Great. This cute Etsy gift just cost me years of therapy bills.”
Turkey Drumstick Rice Krispie Treats
Our first reaction: Ewww. Second reaction: Actually, those probably taste all right. Third reaction: Anyone else suddenly feel like having breakfast?