You know, every once in a while Michigan serves up a story that makes you double-check the dateline just to make sure it wasn’t supposed to say Florida. And here we are again, this time in Troy, where a Rochester Hills woman racked up her third drunken driving charge, and she didn’t even wait for happy hour.

How Police Found the SUV Blocking Traffic

Just after noon on December 2nd, Troy Police were called to John R. and Maple because a 2017 Audi Q7 was just sitting there... in the roadway, completely blocking traffic like it was parked in its own invisible spot.

A Sleeping Driver and an Open Bottle Beside Her

When officers rolled up, they found the SUV still in the left lane and the 45-year-old driver fast asleep at the wheel. And because subtlety apparently wasn’t part of the plan, there was a bottle of booze sitting right on the passenger seat like her co-pilot.

READ MORE: Michigan Police Detain Driver Flagged as MS-13 Member

Once officers woke her up, they immediately noticed her breath could’ve powered a distillery tour. After failing several field sobriety tests, she blew a 0.282% BAC on a preliminary breath test. For anyone keeping score, that’s more than three times Michigan’s legal limit and squarely in how is she even upright? territory.

Sobriety Tests Reveal Extremely High BAC Levels

She was arrested and taken to the Troy lock-up for a chemical breath test, which somehow came back even higher, 0.31% and 0.32%. At that point, the only thing left was the paperwork.

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She’s now facing a charge of Operating While Intoxicated, 3rd Offense. Police haven’t released her name, but the story itself pretty much speaks volumes… and again, no, this did not happen in Florida.

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