Essential Tools for the Michigan Bigfoot Hunters Out There
Want to find Bigfoot? Get in line... but not before picking up these essential tools to both find and protect yourself from the illusive Cryptozoic beast.
We all know bigfoot is out there. What we don't know is where. That's where these bigfoot hunting essentials come in. If you are lucky enough to track down the almighty bigfooted one, you don't want to get caught with your pants down, so to speak. With that in mind, we put together a list of essentials for you on your search for sasquatch.
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Bigfoot hunting is best done at dark, and we humans can't see as well as the sasquatch in low light.
We all know a squatch's favorite foods are, as 'Finding Bigfoot' star Bobo Fay says "sweets and meats." He is supposedly fond of bacon, so chocolate and bacon in a bait pile should will all but guarantee your picture with bigfoot on the cover of National Geographic in no time.
You can't hunt Sasquatch without a proper soundtrack, and this selection from Tenacious D will not only have you rockin', but it will also teach you things about the noble beast. Did you know that Sas can fly? Me neither.
A little practice never hurt anyone, so why not dive into that Bigfoot activity book? It's fun for even the youngest Sasquatch seekers.
When you're ready, you need to make sure Biggie can't smell you.
Everyone knows that Sasquatch's vision is based on movement, but with this ghillie suit and some severe transcendental meditation, you could go virtually undetected by the beast until he's close enough to make your move.
This tazer should have enough wattage to take the big guy down, but if not...
Hit him with the bear mace and start trucking, buddy. You'll also want...
You're going to want to spikes and ankle support to haul ass out of his domain before he eats you alive. And once you escape, a celebration is in order...
Go ahead and take a pull off your favorite poison, which you'll have preloaded into this fashionable and situation-appropriate flask. Why are you celebrating when Bigfoot got away? Well, you're alive for one. And two, you didn't walk away empty-handed. You got proof of the beast's existence thanks to this...
Congratulations! You're now a hero who succeeded where all others have failed. You're also rich now, so if you want to cut me a sizable check for giving you such great advice, I will humbly accept.