Jessie Hagen/Pamela/IAmButtonGirl, Etsy
While the sellers on Etsy.com are probably hoping you'll spend all your Christmas cash on their handicrafts come Cyber Monday, it seems many of them are also aware how much people love a good, live-and-in-person Black Friday sale. How else to explain the site's plethora of Black Friday-themed merch? Arm yourself with these accoutrements so you can shop til you drop in style. Well, maybe not style, but some of them sure are cute.
As you heave your pie-stuffed self down the aisles of your nearest mile-wide, big box emporium at 3 a.m. Friday, give your fellow psycho-shoppers something hypnotically Gothic to daze at the moment before you claw their eyes out over a Moxie Girlz doll — this punk-pretty nail polish!
Black Friday hoop earrings
“Not for wallflowers,” touts the maker of these hammered copper hoops. But should you find yourself in the midst of a Black Friday melee at the mall, we actually recommend “back against the wall” as the safest place to be. You don't want the lady wearing the Black Friday nail polish to catch her claws on one of your hoops. You'll rip your ear out, kid!
When you find yourself sardined armpit-to-elbow inside a swarm of possessed bargain-hunters, your fellow masochists will appreciate that you showered beforehand using one of these lovely handmade soaps. And should the crowds prevent you from snatching up all the $8.99 DVD players you were planning to gift to friends and family, don't worry. These soaps come nine to a box, so there'll be plenty left to stuff in your loved ones' stockings.
Black Friday Shopping Tote
OOOOOoooooooOOOOO! What a spooky tote bag you've got there, Woman-who's-probably-sporting-Mom-jeans. Love the ghostlike font! You're definitely the toughest mama up in this mall!
Black Friday Shop Banners
“Oh dang! I'm a shopowner and I totally forgot that the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year! Man, I'm really terrible at my job!” Etsy to the rescue! P.S. Unless it's actually some sort of hemp-rope macrame'd, organic soy ink sale banner, this strikes us as the most un-Etsy-like Etsy product we've ever seen.
Black Catholic Rosary Beads
Seems fitting that a black and silver rosary is on sale for America's annual weekend shop-a-thon. Not because Christmas is supposed to celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus, but because who doesn't need a couple saints and angels watching over them when entering a Black Friday sale?
All I Want for Christmas Pillow
This pillow conveys the true meaning of Christmas. It's not about getting lots of plastic junk, ugly sweaters and never-gonna-use-'em gift cards. It's about hot guys. Lots and lots of hot, hot guys.
Black Friday Shopping Team T-shirts
The best Black Friday attack is a tag-team attack. Round up your favorite shopping comrade and don a pair of these “shopping team” T's so you can recognize your ally in a heap of people.
Wee Pocketbaby Black Friday Friend
This pocket-sized plush toy is meant to bring shoppers good luck, which kind of gives “voodoo” economics a whole new meaning. It can also be used to distract a baby who's acting up during all the hubbub. In which case, here's a question: What are you doing bringing a baby to a Black Friday sale?
It's Black Friday Buttons
It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday! Show your fellow shoppers that your love of Rebecca Black is equal to your passion for savings by sporting these lil' “Friday” lyric buttons.