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Tide on the Black Market + Goldman Sachs Slammed + Steven Tyler has ADD – Heller’s Monoblog

Heller's Monoblog
Joe Raedle / Mario Tama / John Shearer / Getty Images

It’s a late night TV show monologue, it’s a blog … it’s a monoblog!

• Tide laundry detergent, according to the police, is being stolen across the country and sold on the black market for as much as $10 a bottle. There’s a black market for laundry soap? So right next to the guy on the corner selling crack there’s a guy selling Tide? “It’s the good stuff, man – it’s the kind with stain release.”

• Greg Smith, a senior executive at Goldman Sachs, the investment firm at the center of the banking implosion that tanked the economy, quit this week then wrote an editorial in the New York Times saying the firm “gleefully” ripped off clients and referred to them as “Muppets.” In response, the Muppets announced they would hereafter refer to what comes out the backside of Snuffleupagus as little drops of “Goldman Sachs.”

• Rocker and “American Idol” judge Steven Tyler admitted this week that he has attention deficit disorder. In similarly shocking news, the sun admitted that it’s hot, the polar ice caps admitted they’re cold and Simon Cowell, former Idol judge, admitted he can sometimes be “a tad judgmental.”

Think you can do better? Well, then go ahead, bunky. Give it a shot in the comment section below. Crave more Heller? Check out my other blog.

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