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iPad 3 ‘Coffee Warmer’ + Biden on bin Laden + John Carter – Heller’s Monoblog

Matthew Lloyd / Win McNamee, Getty Images / Disney Pictures

It’s a monologue, it’s a blog … it’s a monoblog!

Two good jokes and one bad one – you decide which is which.

  • Consumers Report says the new iPad 3 can get as hot as 116 degrees while playing games. Apple released a statement saying it’s not a flaw, it’s a built-in coffee warmer.
  • Vice President Joe Biden said this week that killing Osama bin Laden was the most audacious plan of the past 500 years. Which is a completely ridiculous statement. My epic plan during 6th grade to trick the lovely Jennifer Jaeger into kissing me at recess was by far more audacious. Unless of course Biden meant “successful” plans. In that case he’s probably right, with the possible exception of D-Day, the entire space program and about 347,000 other plans.
  • Disney announced this week that the movie “John Carter” has lost about $200 million. I could have told them it wasn’t going to work. John Carter sounds like the kind of name you use to check into a hotel anonymously, not something you title a movie. I’m surprised they didn’t call it John Smith.

Think you can do better? Well, then go ahead, bunky. Give it a shot in the comment section below. Crave more Heller? Check out my other blog.

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