Impromptu Tractor-Pull Takes Out Jeremy’s Fence
Yesterday, I decided to get some work done around the house, including getting rid of an old riding mower that has probably been sitting there for close to five years. I took this old metal thing out to the road with the word “FREE” on it, and before I could walk back to my garage, a truck pulled up to get it. Based on the look of the truck, I thought at first that it was my next door neighbor. I quickly realized that I had never seen this man before in my life.
As he lifted whatever that thing was into his truck, I told him that he could come back in an hour or so to get the old mower when I got it out of my back yard. He asked if he could help me tow it out right then. I told him to wait a minute while I went to grab some tools and use the bathroom.
As I am “taking care of business,” I heard a loud crash from out in the back. It turns out that this moron took it upon himself to hook up the mower to his truck and attempt to pull it out of the back yard without my help or direction. As I ran out into the back yard, I saw what was left of my gate and fence on the ground, giant gashes in the yard that his tires made, and a trail of dust as he sped away down our dirt road.
I didn’t get a license plate, and with my kids running around I wasn’t really in a position to pursue this idiot. At first I was is shock, pure and simple. That swelled into what would become the angriest I have ever been in my life. Even during the worst of fights between my wife and I, never have I been that mad at anyone!
After I finally got the mower out to the road on my own, I began the task of trying to fix the fence. About fifteen minutes later, my neighbor showed up with our dog Izzie, yes the one who suffers from Obsessive Oversized Puppy Syndrome, or O.O.P.S. Apparently when I went in the garage to get tools to fix the mess, Izzie managed to sneak out.
About a half hour later, another man pulled up. He asked me if it ran. I said I didn’t know. He asked if I would put gas in it and jump start it. I said, “No, are you crazy? It’s free! Take it or leave it!” He then asked if I would help him move it to his house about five miles away. I said, “Are you kidding me? Look at my car! I can barely fit in there. Even if I had a truck, the answer is no! If you can’t take it, then don’t! I don’t have time for this! What the hell is wrong with you?”
He asked me what my problem was. I pointed to the hole in my fence and said “The last guy that wanted this thing did that! I am so mad right now I can’t see straight. Ask me again to put gas in it, jump start it or take it to your house. Go ahead… ASK! See what happens!!!”
I could see the fear of God in his eyes as he slowly walked backwards, then ran to his car and took off. He did show up with a truck and a friend about forty-five minutes later, and they loaded up the mower. I yelled from the side of my house, “See! That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He looked back as if he wanted to curse at me or make an obscene gesture, but instead got the truck and drove away. That was the first smart thing I saw him do.
I am not a big guy. I don’t have much in the way of muscles. But with the rage that was pulsing through my veins yesterday, I think I could have taken down Hulk Hogan. Has anything ever made you so mad you were afraid of what you might do to something, or someone?