No, it's not because I made him wear a sweater, but thanks for asking.

It took me a couple of decades to like cats. My grandparents' cat bit me when I was little and, after that, I thought that all cats were a**holes. There IS some truth to that, of course.

My high school boyfriend had an AWESOME cat named Socks, and that little dude started to change my mind about the feline persuasion. But it wasn't until 2013, when we inherited my mother-in-law's cat Whiskers, that I really started to fall in love with cats.

Now, I'm a crazy cat lady, and I'm proud of it. I have two, and I'd love more. But the problem now is with our cat from the Humane Society, aka Dumpster Cat, aka CharDee MacDennis, whose legal name is Charlie.

HE HUMPS MY LEG AT NIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Yes, he's been fixed. For a while, in fact. We got him when he was about 10 months old; he's now almost four and the problem just started. I thought he was just playing with my leg until somebody on a Facebook Live video commented that he was humping me.

It grosses me out when it probably shouldn't. They're animals and they don't "think" as we do, but Pat makes saucy jokes about it and now I'm convinced that my sweet little baby has the hots for me. 

He does it only in the middle of the night and makes a god-awful noise when I boot him off me. I don't want to resort to a spray bottle, but what else is there to do? HELP!

All of the online forums that I've read basically resort to the "they're cats and they do what they want" mantra but I'd really like to believe that there is SOMETHING I can do to prevent this! Is there?! Or am I doomed to sleepless nights of humping until he goes to the Rainbow Bridge someday?